In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), resentment is often referred to as the “number one offender” when it comes to relapse. Holding onto anger, bitterness, or grudges can be harmful to those in recovery, making it harder to maintain sobriety. Understanding what resentment means in AA, why it is dangerous, and how to overcome it is essential for long-term recovery.
This topic explores the definition of resentment in AA, its role in addiction, and practical steps to let go of resentments.
1. What Does Resentment Mean in AA?
In AA and other 12-step programs, resentment refers to deep-seated anger, frustration, or grudges that a person holds onto, often for past wrongs or perceived injustices. These negative emotions can lead to stress, emotional pain, and relapse if not properly addressed.
Key Characteristics of Resentment in AA
- Lingering anger or bitterness toward a person, event, or situation.
- Recurring negative thoughts that fuel emotional distress.
- Feelings of victimization or being wronged.
Resentment can be directed at family members, friends, coworkers, institutions, or even oneself.
2. Why Is Resentment Dangerous for People in Recovery?
AA emphasizes that resentment is a major trigger for relapse. When a person in recovery holds onto anger and bitterness, they may turn to alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism.
How Resentment Harms Sobriety
- Triggers negative emotions that can lead to cravings.
- Creates stress and anxiety, which may weaken resolve.
- Prevents emotional healing, making personal growth difficult.
- Leads to isolation, as resentment can push people away.
AA’s Big Book (Chapter 5: How It Works) states:
“Resentment is the ‘number one’ offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.”
3. Common Causes of Resentment in AA
Resentment in AA often stems from past experiences, relationships, and personal struggles.
Examples of Common Resentments
- Family conflicts – Childhood trauma, neglect, or family misunderstandings.
- Broken relationships – Betrayal, infidelity, or emotional pain caused by loved ones.
- Workplace issues – Feeling undervalued, disrespected, or treated unfairly.
- Legal or financial troubles – Consequences of past actions leading to fines, debts, or jail time.
- Self-resentment – Guilt and shame over past mistakes.
Recognizing the root cause of resentment is the first step toward overcoming it.
4. How AA Helps People Address Resentment
The 12-step program of AA provides a structured way to identify, process, and release resentments. Several steps focus directly on self-reflection, making amends, and finding peace.
Step 4: Taking a Personal Inventory
AA’s Step 4 asks individuals to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of themselves. This involves listing resentments, recognizing patterns, and identifying one’s role in conflicts.
Step 5: Admitting Wrongs
In Step 5, members share their list of resentments with a sponsor or trusted person, helping them process emotions and take responsibility where needed.
Step 8 & Step 9: Making Amends
- Step 8 involves making a list of people one has harmed and being willing to make amends.
- Step 9 is about actually making amends wherever possible, unless doing so would cause more harm.
These steps are crucial for letting go of resentment and healing relationships.
5. Practical Ways to Overcome Resentment in AA
AA encourages several practical strategies to release resentment and prevent relapse.
1. Writing a Resentment List
One of the most effective ways to deal with resentment is to write down all the people, situations, or events that cause anger or bitterness.
A simple resentment inventory includes:
- Who or what you resent.
- Why you feel resentful.
- How it affects your emotions and behavior.
- Your role in the situation.
This self-reflection helps in understanding and resolving negative emotions.
2. Practicing Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean approving of bad behavior; it means freeing yourself from the emotional burden of resentment.
Ways to practice forgiveness:
- Shift perspective – Try to understand the other person’s actions.
- Let go of expectations – Accept that some people may never change or apologize.
- Focus on inner peace – Forgiving others benefits you more than the other person.
3. Using Meditation and Prayer
Many AA members use prayer, meditation, or mindfulness to calm their minds and release anger.
- Prayer for Resentment:
- AA suggests praying for the person you resent, asking for their well-being.
- Meditation:
- Helps in letting go of negative emotions and focusing on the present.
4. Talking to a Sponsor or Support Group
Sharing resentments in AA meetings or with a sponsor provides emotional relief and guidance. Others who have gone through similar struggles can offer support and advice.
5. Taking Positive Actions
- Helping others – Acts of kindness reduce bitterness and promote gratitude.
- Practicing gratitude – Focusing on positivity helps shift attention away from resentment.
- Engaging in healthy activities – Exercise, hobbies, and socializing improve mental well-being.
6. How Letting Go of Resentment Strengthens Recovery
Releasing resentment is a powerful step toward emotional healing, personal growth, and maintaining sobriety.
Benefits of Overcoming Resentment
✅ Less emotional stress – Reduces anxiety and anger.
✅ Improved relationships – Helps rebuild trust and communication.
✅ Greater self-awareness – Encourages personal responsibility and self-growth.
✅ Stronger commitment to sobriety – Removes a major trigger for relapse.
Many people in AA experience a sense of freedom and peace after letting go of long-held resentments.
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), resentment is considered one of the biggest threats to sobriety and emotional well-being. Holding onto anger, grudges, or past hurts can lead to stress, isolation, and relapse.
By following AA’s 12-step process, practicing forgiveness, self-reflection, and positive action, individuals can release resentment and build a healthier, sober life. Letting go of resentment is not just about helping others—it’s about freeing yourself and embracing inner peace.